u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize