I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
