I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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