I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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