So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
