I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
