i jhust puked up my retainher.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
