you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
