I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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