so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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