So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
