Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
