You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
