is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
