dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
