those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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