SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
