Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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