Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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