Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
