Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
