yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
