Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
someone owes me an orgasm
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
