Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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