i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
