He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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