WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
