You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
