I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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