walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
