a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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