The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
