walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just cropdusted the office
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
