I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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