I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The Olympian is in my bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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