Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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