"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
