do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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