Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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