remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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