Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
