he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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