I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
