I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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