His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
