Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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