i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
