How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We left the knife in your bed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
