I'm drive I can fine osifer
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
