Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
