At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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