I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
