I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
