I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
