did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
