i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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