I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
