Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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