True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
