I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
