Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
