Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
