He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
