He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
