Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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