the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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