it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
