You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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