yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish my penis had a tongue
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
