NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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