so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
