I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
