Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
