i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am mentally ready for anal.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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