Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
