I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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