Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
