If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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